Critique requested: all opinions respected!?

Aside from some fragments and minor grammar mistakes it wasn't bad, not something i would read, but good. It's a good start, though aside from the cliche name and the fact that its plagiarized. I do hope your planning to put this on fanfiction.net because then it's not plagiarized, then it's fanfiction. But try not to make her into a mary-sue....well too late.